The Phone Call

The Phone Call

My phone announced her call. I stood there for a second staring down at it. I saw her name and her photo smiling up at me from the coffee table and I didn’t know what to do. My first thought was that she accidentally butt-dialed me and I contemplated letting it go to voicemail just in case. I was afraid. But I had dreamed about this moment for over four years, so I mustered the courage to answer.

I grabbed my phone and said a hesitant “Hello?”. I heard her voice saying “Hi” on the other end. I was shocked and managed a quick “Hi” in response. It felt so awkward and strange, not like it used to be. She asked how I was. I replied, “Okay, how are you?” I turned toward my husband who sat on the couch smiling at me and I mouthed “Oh my god.” My body began to tremble as I heard her say, “I don’t want to feel this way anymore.” She told me she didn’t want to look back, just forward, and she wanted to try and reestablish a relationship.

Waves of adrenaline rippled through my body and the trembling intensified. Was this reality? I wasn’t convinced that I heard her correctly. I asked her to hold on for a second as I choked back tears and took a few deep breaths. Then I told her I would like very much to move forward with her. I didn’t want to rehash our painful history ever again. It was over and I was in a better place. Perhaps she was too. I told her I felt hesitant, I wanted her to know that I was afraid. The thought of being rejected again terrified me.

My husband handed me a glass of wine and when I thanked him, she told me that she wanted him to know she was sorry about the things she had said to him. I repeated her words and he smiled and said he understood and had no hard feelings. We chatted for a few minutes about our lives and she promised to send me a couple of photos. Then we said goodbye and the call was over. I hadn’t expected the physiologic reaction that had overtaken my body and I started crying. My husband held me as I sobbed.

Later, she sent some photos and a message saying she wanted to communicate through email for now and I agreed to her terms. But she had called me. I understand how difficult that must have been for her. She took a chance and reached out to me without animosity and I am very grateful. It’s been only a couple days since she called and I am still in shock. I never thought I would hear her voice again and I still can’t believe that I did. I love her so much. I love her brother. I am cautiously optimistic about a future that includes them again.

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