A Clean Slate

A Clean Slate

I’ve made a very important reconnection. It means the world to me. I want to do it right. I want to be genuine. I want it to be as perfect as I fantasize that it will be. I don’t want to come on too strong. I want everything to be like it was. I want to believe this fairy tale of kumbaya and happy tears.

But I know that it will never be the old us, it can’t be. I know that we’ll never have the same bond. So I’m afraid. I can’t cope with the thought of rejection, not again. I think and overthink with every second that ticks by. I haven’t heard from her. Am I supposed to email her? Did we agree that it would be on her terms and I would wait? I’m scared.

And these feelings are welcome. They’re so much better than my feelings were over the past five years. There is a ray of hope behind the neuroses. If I trust the process I will find what I need. I’m afraid, but I’m prepared to take the journey because hope is better than despair.


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