Let Me Go

Let Me Go

I have to wonder why every single day at least one of you reads my blog. You were the ones who rejected me, remember? Why do you care what I have to say now? You didn’t care when I desperately needed you to, but it’s obvious you care now, at least about my writing. It …

Read More Read More

A Clean Slate

A Clean Slate

I’ve made a very important reconnection. It means the world to me. I want to do it right. I want to be genuine. I want it to be as perfect as I fantasize that it will be. I don’t want to come on too strong. I want everything to be like it was. I want …

Read More Read More

Gaslighting and Flying Monkeys 101

Gaslighting and Flying Monkeys 101

It’s the night before the historic impeachment vote and Donald Trump has taken manipulation to a whole new level by sending a six-page rant-filled letter to Speaker Pelosi. The letter serves as documentation of belittling, bullying, accusing, blaming, shaming, demanding, ordering, threatening, criticizing, raging, and name-calling directed at Speaker Pelosi and the Democratic Party. It’s …

Read More Read More

A Sign of Hope

A Sign of Hope

There is nothing I have ever felt worse than despair. It is a feeling so hopeless that your heart literally aches inside your chest. You can feel your ribcage cracking under the weight of it and you think you’re going to choke to death on your own tongue as the pain crawls up your throat. …

Read More Read More

The Contract

The Contract

They sent my abuser a “Basic Terms of Residence” contract a few weeks after he tried to kill me. He was recovering from severe burns after he’d caught himself on fire burning my house to the ground. He’d destroyed our home and, like me, was left without a permanent residence. So they offered up their …

Read More Read More

The Phone Call

The Phone Call

My phone announced her call. I stood there for a second staring down at it. I saw her name and her photo smiling up at me from the coffee table and I didn’t know what to do. My first thought was that she accidentally butt-dialed me and I contemplated letting it go to voicemail just …

Read More Read More

The Closet

The Closet

I’m the type of person that throws things out or, when possible, donates things I no longer have a use for. I’m the very antithesis of a hoarder. In fact, I hate clutter so much that I probably throw things away with too much vigor. I was raised by parents who were both excessively neat …

Read More Read More

Bluebell

Bluebell

When I was a teenager, my cousin sent me Bluebell perfume from Penhaligon’s of London. It had a flowery lily-of-the-valley smell that I loved. And my abuser also loved it. He would tell me how much he loved the scent on my neck every time I wore it and he’d be disappointed when I didn’t …

Read More Read More

I Am Loved

I Am Loved

We just returned from a week in LA. We had three glorious days in Disneyland with a 1-year-old and an 8-year-old and then spent the rest of Thanksgiving week with family. All I can say is, as exhausted as I am, IT WAS LIFE-CHANGING. For a very long time, I have felt unworthy of anyone’s …

Read More Read More

A Love Letter

A Love Letter

To Abby and Bree, I am writing to tell you I love you. You don’t know this, but I exist in two places, here and wherever you are, because love has no boundaries. I hope someday I can tell you in person, but at least for now we are being denied each other’s company. You …

Read More Read More