A Sign of Hope

A Sign of Hope

There is nothing I have ever felt worse than despair. It is a feeling so hopeless that your heart literally aches inside your chest. You can feel your ribcage cracking under the weight of it and you think you’re going to choke to death on your own tongue as the pain crawls up your throat. …

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The Contract

The Contract

They sent my abuser a “Basic Terms of Residence” contract a few weeks after he tried to kill me. He was recovering from severe burns after he’d caught himself on fire burning my house to the ground. He’d destroyed our home and, like me, was left without a permanent residence. So they offered up their …

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The Phone Call

The Phone Call

My phone announced her call. I stood there for a second staring down at it. I saw her name and her photo smiling up at me from the coffee table and I didn’t know what to do. My first thought was that she accidentally butt-dialed me and I contemplated letting it go to voicemail just …

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The Closet

The Closet

I’m the type of person that throws things out or, when possible, donates things I no longer have a use for. I’m the very antithesis of a hoarder. In fact, I hate clutter so much that I probably throw things away with too much vigor. I was raised by parents who were both excessively neat …

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Bluebell

Bluebell

When I was a teenager, my cousin sent me Bluebell perfume from Penhaligon’s of London. It had a flowery lily-of-the-valley smell that I loved. And my abuser also loved it. He would tell me how much he loved the scent on my neck every time I wore it and he’d be disappointed when I didn’t …

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I Am Loved

I Am Loved

We just returned from a week in LA. We had three glorious days in Disneyland with a 1-year-old and an 8-year-old and then spent the rest of Thanksgiving week with family. All I can say is, as exhausted as I am, IT WAS LIFE-CHANGING. For a very long time, I have felt unworthy of anyone’s …

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A Love Letter

A Love Letter

To Abby and Bree, I am writing to tell you I love you. You don’t know this, but I exist in two places, here and wherever you are, because love has no boundaries. I hope someday I can tell you in person, but at least for now we are being denied each other’s company. You …

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The Wedding

The Wedding

I was in crisis. It was the night before the big day and my family was just a half-hour away, checking into their hotel and beginning their weekend celebration. No one called me. No one texted. I sat in the dark wondering whether anyone worried about my well-being or safety. Would someone decide to come …

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Big Brother

Big Brother

I had three brothers. One was much older than me and when I was growing up he was rarely around. I thought he was cool. He was a drummer, then an actor. He moved to NYC and I watched him on TV commercials, soap operas and even in a few movies. Our lives were polar …

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Digital Abuse

Digital Abuse

Being in a relationship does not mean your partner should have complete control over your every move. It’s not okay for anyone to force you to lose your individuality or autonomy to prove your faithfulness and commitment to the relationship. It sounds logical and obvious to most, but to some of us, standing up for …

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