The Book

The Book

I wrote a memoir. It documents every hateful, threatening word my abuser said to me after he tried to murder me. It takes the reader along an excruciating trail of blame, shame, rejection and complete condemnation not only from him but from everyone else in my support system. It chronicles failure within the legal system …

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PTSD

PTSD

I’ve written a lot of poems and songs about PTSD. I’ve painted and drawn images trying to capture the intensity of my symptoms. Nothing really can illustrate what it feels like to suffer from PTSD. Some of the symptoms are flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, rage, despair, and hopelessness and they are intense. My symptoms come in …

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Family Values

Family Values

She met him when she was 16. She didn’t know the red flags of abuse. It started immediately. A push, a thrown glass, a blocked exit, a broken-down door. He called her a bitch, a whore, a cunt. She was frightened but didn’t realize it. She minimized the attacks, protecting herself against an otherwise intolerable …

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Rebranding – AGAIN

Rebranding – AGAIN

I’m not on social media for popularity. My abuser would say otherwise but that’s because he was so full of jealousy he kept me isolated from the world for most of my life. I’m on social media because I have opinions. I care about issues, especially the ones involving the patriarchy. Toxic men are destroying …

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Acceptance

Acceptance

Twitter has labeled me as a threat and they’ve erased me. Appeals mean nothing. They don’t care. But with my love’s help, I’m back online. I have to wonder for how long though. I feel like I can’t be myself anymore because the “system” has decided I’m a raging bitch and silenced me. If they …

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Twitter Double Standard

Twitter Double Standard

I am being targeted by Twitter. I am outspoken about issues such as gun violence, racism and, for obvious reasons, violence against women. As I said before, my @Lily_Bell82 account was suspended for the first time a few weeks ago because I posted a video of my cat. When it was reinstated, I tweeted at …

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I Am Done

I Am Done

My husband tried to kill me because I had a Twitter account. You read that right, he lit my house on fire because he didn’t like the attention I was getting on Twitter. Then he managed to convince my whole family that I was a “Twitter Whore”. I lost everything, my house, my dog who …

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Hateful Content

Hateful Content

A few weeks ago, I posted a cute video on Twitter of my cat Luna playing with her favorite toy. She was biting and scratching it basically being ADORABLE. I added the caption “Die, pink bitch, die” never suspecting it would cause a problem. The next day, I woke to a message from Twitter telling …

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Sister

Sister

You won’t explain yourself. I have questions and you refuse to answer them. It’s been four years. And I am angry. You use my anger as an excuse to protect yourself from my “rage”. But you feel so goddam guilty, don’t you? So you blog about what a wonderful nurturer you are because the shame …

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I’m Watching You

I’m Watching You

No one reads my blog, except probably you. So here’s the thing. I want to live the rest of my life without worrying about being stalked. I already know what you’re capable of. I did not and I still do not deserve the pain you caused. You killed my family. You killed my dog. You …

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