Shame

Shame

I was born ashamed. I was an unwanted pregnancy and it shamed me to know I made my mom angry. I focused on staying out of her way, spending most of my time sheltering in my room. But I felt like that pissed her off even more. Maybe I was oversensitive. Or maybe she targeted …

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Just Say No

Just Say No

There’s a critical life lesson that my parents neglected to teach me which is how to say no. It’s important to learn to say no because it’s empowering and it allows you to establish healthy boundaries. But my parents raised a family of overly-accommodating people pleasers who have a hard time refusing anyone anything. Being …

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Life is Short

Life is Short

Yesterday, I was caught off guard by a medical diagnosis. It’s the second time in my life that my day started unassumingly but ended in a startling way. I felt panicked and unprepared. I started ranting about end-of-life plans. My husband patiently listened and then coaxed me back to reality. Unless I get hit by …

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Let Me Go

Let Me Go

I have to wonder why every single day at least one of you reads my blog. You were the ones who rejected me, remember? Why do you care what I have to say now? You didn’t care when I desperately needed you to, but it’s obvious you care now, at least about my writing. It …

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A Clean Slate

A Clean Slate

I’ve made a very important reconnection. It means the world to me. I want to do it right. I want to be genuine. I want it to be as perfect as I fantasize that it will be. I don’t want to come on too strong. I want everything to be like it was. I want …

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Gaslighting and Flying Monkeys 101

Gaslighting and Flying Monkeys 101

It’s the night before the historic impeachment vote and Donald Trump has taken manipulation to a whole new level by sending a six-page rant-filled letter to Speaker Pelosi. The letter serves as documentation of belittling, bullying, accusing, blaming, shaming, demanding, ordering, threatening, criticizing, raging, and name-calling directed at Speaker Pelosi and the Democratic Party. It’s …

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A Sign of Hope

A Sign of Hope

There is nothing I have ever felt worse than despair. It is a feeling so hopeless that your heart literally aches inside your chest. You can feel your ribcage cracking under the weight of it and you think you’re going to choke to death on your own tongue as the pain crawls up your throat. …

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The Contract

The Contract

They sent my abuser a “Basic Terms of Residence” contract a few weeks after he tried to kill me. He was recovering from severe burns after he’d caught himself on fire burning my house to the ground. He’d destroyed our home and, like me, was left without a permanent residence. So they offered up their …

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